Single Desire

It is January 2^nd; the holidays are officially over. Congratulations to singles everywhere!!! We made it! The Christmas season tends to be a time where being “single” becomes more of a defining quality, and the battle to be content seems to intensify. I think this is for a number of reasons.

First, we get together with family and friends whom we may not have seen for a while. This means there will be the continued inquiries of, “Have you met anyone yet?”,or, “Are you seeing anyone?” I greatly appreciate the interest my friends and family take in my life, and don’t mind these questions. However, these conversations do seem to take your "singleness status" off the shelf for public consideration and critique.

Another reason this season can be difficult for the “completely” single, is that all of your “not completely” single friends find this to be an ideally romantic time to reserve their future spouses via the asking of a question and the giving of a ring.

And, so this season went for me. Continued questions about my relational status. A few tips and pointers freely given by well-meaning friends. Another friend telling me the “big news.” (Congratulations Adam!)

It has been a relatively difficult time to be single. I think we would all like to see ourselves so strong and independent that we are unaffected by a desire to get married. We do not want to be “desperate”, and rightly so, but that can lead us to be in denial of what desires we do have.

We know that God gives us the desires for marriage. It was our Creator who declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him,” Genesis 1:18. While our desires are often cultivated to unhealthy levels, they are natural and good for us to have. I remind myself of that often. A strong desire to be married, to have a helper and co-laborer, is in no way something to be embarrassed about.

The question is, when does that desire cross the line of becoming an “idol”? Webster’s 1828 definition of an idol is “Any thing on which we set our affections; that to which we indulge an excessive and sinful attachment.”

Isn’t this the horrible work that sin has done in our hearts? All the desires and affections God created to be good, we have twisted and inflated into something that is out of proportion and wrong. Lust and immorality with our sexuality. Gluttony with food. Drunkenness and excess with wine. Our sin cheats, plays dirty and ultimately can spoil the game on God‘s playing field of good desires. Sometime we want to put the ball on the ground, throw our arms in the air, declare “I’m not playing anymore!” and storm off. Instead, God’s sanctifying work would have our desires be under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

A complaining heart is the red flag of idolatry for me. When my heart groans and complains, I have taken my eyes off the vast and innumerable blessing of what God is for me through Christ, and instead am gazing longingly on what I don’t have. I am literally saying to God, “It is not good enough. You haven’t done for me as I want you to do.” The Cross of our Savior, the forgiveness of our sins, and the hope of eternity all fade out of sight in the complaining heart.

Instead of complaining about our singleness, perhaps we take a more “spiritual” approach. Perhaps we complain to God, not that He hasn’t given us a spouse, but that he hasn’t taken away our desires. Do we begrudge God for creating us with strong, natural desires for marriage, and than calling us to a season of singleness?

This is often where I battle. I either want to be married, or be a single man totally free of marital desire, given fully to unhindered and undistracted Christian service. Yet the Captain of my sanctification, the Lord Jesus Christ, has seen fit to accomplish His will in my life in a different way. He knows what I need to become conformed to His image. He knows exactly what desires I need to be bearing and submitting to Him.

I just listened recently to a message by Jeff Purswell on the phrase in the Lord’s prayer, “Thy Kingdom come.” You can download the message for free from Covenant Life’s website (the Message is dated 2/20/05).  It is excellent and has vastly changed the nature of my prayers.

My “kingdom” would be one in which my desires were never deferred. The Lord’s Kingdom seeks the glory and renown of Jesus Christ! As John Piper has so faithfully taught us, the Lord Jesus is glorified when He and His Kingdom are desired and treasured more than anything else.

Instead of seeing our strong desires for marriage as a curse, we should see them as an opportunity to desire Christ even more. Competing desires sets the bar higher. As we find ourselves treasuring and esteeming Christ above all else, our other desires will be subjected to the glory of God.

Comments

[Tina]

Speaking of John Piper...he calls idolotry "the dark exchange." We exchange the divine and perfect will of the Lord for something far less satisfying because it can be immediately obtained. But, this exchange is a dark one because of what it opens the door to.

Sin is does indeed play dirty - easing us often unwittingly into idolotry, but tempting us even with those things God has called good and birthed a desire for in us. But, it is also comforting to know and experience the reality of the power of God in the area of our thoughts and feelings...to know that we don't have to stay stuck in idolotry and, through the renewal of our minds and the cleansing of our hearts, we can even prevent the desires of our hearts from becoming idols.

[Ashlee]

I want to encourage singles that God does have a purpose in singleness too. I am among those who have recently got engaged (before Christmas though), but as I look back I can see so many opportunities I had to share the Gospel that would not have happened if I were married during those times. I want to encourage you all to ask God to give you ministry opportunities as a single. There are many things singles can do that married people cannot. Don't waste the opportunties!! Sieze them! Our purpose in life is not to find our mate and get married, but to glorify God- sometimes as a single and sometimes as a wife or husband. I very much look forward to an exciting marriage, but I do not feel like I wasted the past years as a single. God's timing is perfect.